How did I survive

How did I survive this weekend? The Full Moon hash was great, it was longer than most Full Moon runs, which is always a plus with me. The On-On-On was at Death By Dildo’s and Tuckit Up The Butt’s house. I was in rare form, was drunk by 10:30 and getting a tattoo by 11:00. This makes my third tattoo, I got an On-On foot on my ankle. Team DOTA were the last ones awake, which pretty much means Bonesucker and I were tormenting all the people passed out. There are some great pics involving my ass and Hermaphrodites on Unicycles face. I woke up hearing some Hill Coutry Hashers saying the phrase tea bag, so of course I got up before they could do anything to me. I was still pretty drunk and not wanting to risk a hangover, I start drinking. After having a beer, i decided that I needed my bed, so I took off for home. On the way home, I did a little drunk dialing. The hasher who shall remain nameless was there all night and we said maybe two words to each other, which really irritated me. When I spoke to her, I told her too never call or email me again, as usual I kind of leaped without looking. After a three hour nap, I wake up and decide that breaking up was not the right thing to do, so i called her and apologized, by this time it was too late, c’est la vie.
I needed to deliver a picture to IP Freely, it was the original shirt design for Crotch Rot’s birthday shirt, drawn by Lost N Mound. As usual when something involving Crotch Rot, IP got a little choked up. Since he was a little choked up, we decided to have a beer, one beer turned into three. By this time I was working on a great buzz, Alisa, Free Meat's sister, said I would be okay to drive to the hash but there would be no way I would be able t drive back from the hash. So it was time to find someone to cart my drunk ass around. I tried calling Ring Around the Panty, no answer. I pretty much could rule out the hasher who shall remain nameless, so the next target Brownie. Brownie agrees to pick me up and he even paid my hash cash, we were running late so no time to stop by the ATM. We get to the start and there were already about 50 people milling about and drinking beer. I don’t remember much of the trail, but by the time we made it to the second beer check, I was tired of climbing hills and I knew we had one hill to go. At this point I decide to auto-wank, I catch a ride with Head Banger. We decided to not go directly to the end, but instead go searching for Sparks (energy beer). The third store we visited carried Sparks, yeah beer. During circle, I had way too many down-downs. The only ones I can really remember are hashavarsary, auto-wanking and drinking for the fact that all Apple employees auto-wanked this trail. Other than that the rest of the night is a blur. I do remember being somewhat obnoxious, which was confirmed by Free Meat today at lunch. Somewhere around mid-night I catch a ride home to the safety and security of my bed. I am so glad i did not have to work today.