New Chuck Norris Facts

In 1993 interview with Barbara Walters, Chuck Norris admitted to once punching a hurricane in the face. Walters retorted, "Hurricanes have eyes, but don't, in fact, have faces." to which Norris replied, "Watch your mouth, Hurricane Walters"

The character Superman is loosely based on Chuck Norris. Loosely only because Superman has a weakness.

Chuck Norris was intended to play Luke in Star Wars, but Chuck decided that Luke was too much of a bitch.

Chuck Norris once made love to a Sasquatch. This resulted in the birth of George W. Bush, and the Sasquatch contacting an incurable form of Syphillis, known as "The Norris Clap".

There is a little bit of Chuck Norris in each and every one of us. Mainly due to rape.

The ex-porn star Savannah tried to deep throat Chuck Norris. Savannah is now dead.

Chuck Norris was only in a wheel chair once in his life... so he could take down Steven Hawking fairly.

Kevin Sorbo once passed Chuck Norris in the park and said, "Hey, nice beard" sarcastically. Chuck Norris became angry, and roundhouse kicked Sorbo in the face. Astonishingly, Sorbo got back up after such a mighty blow. This further angered Chuck Norris to the point where he ripped out Sorbo's jaw, sodomized him with an ice cream cone, and ate his flesh in front of many children. This event has been commemorated with a limited-edition dinner plate and later became the basis for the television show "Grace Under Fire".

Chuck Norris slaps Vin Diesel whenever he feels like it.

Every time Chuck Norris smiles it saves the life of a dying man. Ironically, Chuck Norris only smiles after he kills someone.

Chuck Norris is like a dog, not only because he can smell fear, but because he can piss on whatever the fuck he wants.

After taking the first steps on the moon and saying the immortal words, "One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind", Neil Armstrong looked to his right, only to see Chuck Norris there on the moon, sitting on a lawn chair drinking a beer. "Giant leap, my ass", Chuck replied.

Chuck Norris once raped the devil just to hear him scream.

In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris' Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.

Chuck Norris once snorted cocaine, shot heroin, tripped on acid, smoked weed, and took shots of pure grain alcohol. Nine months later, Michael Jackson was born.